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The Moneyline with WhiteDwain – NFL Week 11 Picks

*Follow WhiteDwain on Twitter @WhiteDwainTCH for links to previously posted plays and added plays thoughout the week*

 

Well, you’ve asked for it (No, you haven’t) and I have heeded your calls (No, I haven’t because you haven’t asked nor cared).  It’s time to start sharing White Dwain’s picks.

As you TCH fans know…I’m a bit of a gambler…some (friends/family) would call me a degenerate but that’s not important.  What’s important is that I love to handicap football games.  Say, that reminds me…(in my best “Glen” voice from Raising  Arizona…if you don’t know the reference, delete us from your browsing history and delete yourself from existence) I probably need to explain a few terms for you gambling  morons.

Handicapping: The practice of assigning advantage through a system of “ A Beautiful Mind” type calculations

Juice:  The number you see beside my pick (ex: -110).  This is basically interest the house gives you.  I’m gonna use 100 as a bet to make it easy for you.  At -110 you are risking $110 to win $100.   That way, if you go 5-5, you feel like a winner but in reality you are down $50.  See, there’s a reason the casinos are nice and fancy.

Public Play:  The team that the public is betting…typically it’s the favorite or a team with a huge following like the Cowboys, Steelers, and Packers.

Sharp Play:  The team that the Wise guys are throwing money at.  Traditionally professional gamblers play certain numbers.  Home underdogs, NFL Teams getting +10 or higher.   Typically the sharp play is the opposite of the public play because the public is stupid, just look at our president and the success of Nickelback

Teaser:  A teaser allows you to move a line in either direction.  Example: Green Bay is -3 vs the Bears.  If it’s a 10 point tease, if you choose the Packers they would be +7, the Bears would be +13. Of course the payout is a lot less but teasers are fun and of the devil because you expect to win every time.

Parlay:  Combo bet that involves more than one play and combines it into one bet.  The more games, the higher payout but the tougher to win. There’s a reason why the guy who  hands out parlay cards is making more money than the guy betting a $20 8 teamer cause he don’t want to risk $50 on a single game.

 Moneyline:  Picking the game straight up.  Also involves much higher juice for the favorite and less for the dog.  It’s simple

I’m going to make my plays according to Units.  What’s that you ask…That’s witchcraft Gavin and Chris claims. Nope. just a way to track your profit.  To some, 1 Unit is $10, others it’s $100.  The higher the unit play, obviously the stronger I feel about it.

I know I’m setting myself up for a huge failure but so far I’m having a great run this year with my own “A Beautiful Mind” system.  Can’t guarantee I’ll keep winning but I can guarantee you’ll be shouting statements with my name mixed with obscenities either way.

 My Current Year to Date Record:   51-39-1   +34.11 UNITS

3 Unit Plays: 11-4

Tease: 0-1

2 Unit Plays: 23-15-1

Tease: 3-5

2nd half: 1-0

Team Total: 2-1

1 Unit Plays: 17-20

Tease: 3-4

ML Parlay: 2-1

Team Total: 0-2

 

WEEK  11 PICKS

3 Unit Plays

Dolphins -6 (-110) vs Bills

– line currently at -7 (+110), bought down to 6

Dolphins can be one of the most frustrating teams lay a bet on.  One game they look like Green Bay Light with Coach Philbin channeling his days as offensive coordinator for the Pack.  The next game they can look like a team without an identity.  I feel this is a good spot for Miami.   Buffalo comes in following a terrible letdown at home last week vs the Chiefs.  Leading 13-3 late in the game, they lose 17-13.   Kyle Orton did Kyle Orton things and Fred Jackson was obviously still banged up.   The Phins have one of the best pass defenses in the league and will keep Watkins bottled up and Miami just needs to play that Packer type of and take some shots down field.

Prediction: 24-14.

Giants +4 (-110) vs 49ers

It might seem odd to make a very strong play on a team that just gave up over 500 yards of total offense with 350 of those coming on the ground, but hear me out.  This is situational betting at it’s best.   Most of the country sees the G Men get  dismantled by the defending champs and also see the 49ers beat the Saints in New Orleans.  Believe  me,  that’s not the whole story.  New York and Seattle was tied going into the 4th and the Niners were handed that  game by the Saints.  Also we have the  Niners on the second of back to back road games with this being a 1p m Eastern start time from they guys from San Fran.  This line could very well go up as the week goes along, especially is Joe Public sees more Egyptian Squidbert Beats commercials.  I’m confident that a Coughlin led team will still play with pride and I see the  Giants winning outright.

Prediction: 27-23

2 Unit Plays

Chiefs Pick (-125) vs Seahawks

This comes down to me not believing in the Seahawks on the road, the genius offensive strategy of Andy Reid (I won’t discuss his in game decisions at this time), and a very good home field advantage. The Chiefs’ D is legit and their running ability and solid work of Alex Smith should allow them to pull out the win.  Seahawks just don’t have the weapons on offense and that tough secondary won’t come into play because seemingly KC plays without WRs thus explaining no touchdowns to WR in over a year.

Prediction: 23-17

Cardinals -1 (-120) vs Lions

Poor Carson Palmer…two times in his career he has been the leader of a solid, playoff team and two times his ACL has decided to check out.  This is a big loss, but not as big to the Cardinals as it would be to other teams.  This team is well coached and balanced on both sides of the ball and their approach won’t change.  I’m going with another team that has a good home field advantage versus a fraudulent team.  Don’t let the Lions’ 7-2 record fool you…they’re good but not that good.  The way I see it they have two legit wins…over Green Bay at home and I’ll give them last week’s win over the Dolphins at home.  They have won their last three games by a combined six points.   This includes the Falcons debacle in London that gave them a do over on a game winning FG after being down 21-0 at the half and scoring two TDs in the final 3:30 against the Saints.  It’s great they can make comebacks but you can only walk that tightrope for a while.  They were throttled by a bad Carolina team on the road and lost a home game to the Bills…so it’s safe to say this isn’t a dominate team.  They do have a great defense and Megatron is getting healthier but I’ll take  a complete  team at home.

Prediction: 26-17

1 Unit Plays

Rams +10 (-120) vs Broncos

I know its not a safe play going against the best stat padding QB of time here, but I’m sticking with my system.  We all know that Denver can score so I’ll move on.  The Rams are always a tough out at home.  This  season they have a home win over the Seahawks, blew a game vs the Niners that was just a weird game, and only lost by 3 to the Cowboys.  This week they’re going back to Shaun Hill after the Austin Davis experiment started producing mass turnovers (I would’ve stuck with him cause  Lord Favre said he will be great), not sure this makes much of a difference.  They’ll rely on their D and home field.  I expect this line to go up  as we get closer to game time as John Q Public’s boners  for Manning get larger.

Prediction: 24-27

Titans +7 (-125) vs Steelers

I guess the real question is…”Who are the real Steelers?” Well, they’re a bunch of round mouths coached by retarded Omar Epps…wait..sorry I’ll keep my personal feelings out of this…Are they the team that put up nearly 100 points on the Colts and Ravens or are they the team that has lost to the Bucs and Jets and squeaked by the Jags.  I’ll go with the latter.  Coach Epps is a horrible coach that allows his team to play down to the competition (it’s a fact that’s been going on for sometime).  This is a second road game in a row and I don’t care if it’s a bad Titan’s team with a rookie QB.  This line opened at 5 and now at 7….go ahead, keep putting money on the Steelers and drive the juice down some more.

Prediction:  20-19

Patriots +3 (-115) @ Colts

Tom Brady. The Hooded Genius. Getting Points.

Prediction: 28-27

It seems that I’ve taken 6 home teams this week, with half of those being home dogs.  I’ll take it.  It looks like traditional sharp plays, but it does fit the system.

TEASER

10 pt/ 5 teams

Bears +7, Rams +20, Giants +14, Chargers -1.5, Cards +9

Pays 1.7 to 1 (for you dummies: Risk $100 to win $170)

MONEYLINE PARLAY

Browns, Packers, Saints, Redskins

Pays 2.56 to 1 (Risk $100 to win $256)

 * For tracking purposes, all teaser and parlays will be 1 Unit Plays.

raw

The Morning After Raw 11-10

So last week was great. I don’t want to damn with feint praise but I can’t remember a better written episode of Raw in the immediate past. Then again I just saw the Too Many Cooks video today so there’s no way Raw could ever compete with the complete brilliance that held. Anyways. Whatever happened today happened over 5 hours ago as the WWE is in England, so let’s all act surprised. Raw is live from tape from Liverpool and they still haven’t won a league title in almost 25 years. spoiler: Ryback heel turn and face turn.
Sorry.

Raw begins how it should with Wade Barr-John Cena. Cena says Ryder is shelved because of the Authority. Nice spin on an injury. Cena says those who aren’t injured in the back are all intimidated out of competing for his team. Nice burial of all the faces in the locker room. I guess Justin Gabriel can just go eat a dick. Cena brings out Ryback and apparently is here to ask him to join. Cena says it doesn’t matter if he has 4 teammates or none he’s still going to stand up and fight like a man, and the Internet takes a knowing gulp.

The Authority interrupt and out comes Henry with them. He should’ve been the muscle of The Authority months ago but whatever why give him something interesting to do? ‘Where’s the network’ chant by the audience. Fans screaming at the WWE to have the opportunity to throw 10$ a month at their feet.

In the darkest moment the world will cry out for someone to sell them goods. And the WWE will whisper back ‘No’.

Triple H laughs at the idea of Jack Swagger being on Team Cena and goes on to mock Cena for even considering him. That’s it. Jack, just quit, go to TNA, go be the Dragon Gate champ. You’ll fit in there. You’ll be liked.

Anyways The Authority and Cena both pitch Ryback and he decided by smashing Cena with a Spinebuster. Ryback doesn’t betray his character as he’s out for himself in this situation and it makes sense. Team Authority is like all my favorite wrestlers right now…and Kane.

And not Cesaro. Fuck.

Seth Rollins w/Noble and Mercury vs Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter

A nice ‘Jamie Noble’ chant to start us off as I try to figure out what about Swagger screams ‘book me as a face in England’. Sure enough though the fans in England just look for a reason to chant something and take the ‘We The People!’ cue. Swagger locks in a couple Patriot Locks but eventually falls to a Curb Stomp and everything you know about Swagger holds true.

After the match Swagger eats another Curb Stomp and here we are.  With Swagger face down in the ring while I get sad. This can’t be the Swagger written off tv segment can it?

Ambrose/Wyatt video package followed up by Ambrose promo saying he looks forward to going to hell with Wyatt. Oh. Well that’s unfortunate. Glad these two are having a slow build without a conventional match based feud. Pros and vignettes are more than enough for me. Hopefully less hell will be involved for everyone’s sake.

New Day promo with Xavier. This is happening. I am excited.

Paige vs Alicia Fox

JBL calls Paige a great champion. She doesn’t have the belt. So apparently Paige and Alicia Fox aren’t friends anymore. Paige wins after a good Divas match I already don’t remember.

Steph confronts Lana backstage about joining, it gets a little testy, more on this later in some loser’s poorly written fantasy in some creepy fan fiction post.

Rusev in the ring with Lana with some guy to read a proclamation, we get it he is and continues to be Russian. Sheamus interrupts the Russian national anthem and that’s kind of a horrible thing to do. More proclamation readings on next week’s episode Triple H if you read thuan

United States Championship Match
Sheamus vs Rusev (c) w/ Lana

How many dumb tweets and message board posts will be made about ‘a Bulgarian and an Irishman wrestle for the United States Title in England’? That doesn’t count, I’m mocking the idea, no you’re a dick. 4 minutes in and these two are beating the shit out of each other. Strong Style prevails as Sheamus takes a Fall Away Slam onto the announce table as he hits with a dull thud. Lawler makes the bad joke about the nationalities/setting in a US Title bout. Thanks for coming out Jerry.

As the match goes on and Sheamus’ hair flattens and his facial hair becomes a mess he starts to look more like Paul Orndorff. Sheamus and Rusev are going for it tonight. It’s not a fantastic match but at least it’s a brutal one. Sheamus eventually loses by a count out and I guess this will continue over to Survivor Series. Hopefully no one dies in the process.

Backstage Lana and Rusev agree to join The Authority and they have some weird tweener vibe and look put off by Steph. Looks like the Sheamus thing concluding at Survivor Series isn’t even in consideration, so then, moving on.

Los Matadores w/El Torito vs Miz and Mizdow w/mini Miz

Anything less than a Road Warriors squash for MizMizdow is unacceptable. Hornswoggle as Mini-Miz is enjoyable to initially see but after a couple seconds of seeing him I’ve had enough. Crowd is electric for Mizdow. Miz plays up to the crowd teasing a tag that doesn’t happen. Heel! Tag to Mizdow. Place explodes. I love you England. Blind tag by Miz to get back in, basic heelsmenship. Nicely done Miz. Miz eventually pins one of them or something and that’s a finish all right.

Backstage Cena says Swagger is out and it’s down to him and Ziggler. Cena gives Ziggler the out to leave and he can wrestle them 5 on 1. Which I’m sure he has his eyes closed and is praying for. Ziggler takes the super baby face rout and tells Cena he will never give up what with his Hustle, Loyalty and Respect and what not. Trips joins them in the back and sings ‘Another one bites the dust’ and I’m reminded how great Queen was.

Dolph Ziggler vs Mark Henry

Please don’t hurt him Mark. You know I love you but I can’t take this. Match begins and we have a nice prototypical hit and run size discrepancy match. Dolph starts out with a nice Dropkick that misses by about 3 feet. Botch. Botch. Uh oh guys. What’s going on? Now that the match goes to shit Henry hits Ziggler in the face with a chair and…we have violence. Henry puts the steps in the ring and I can’t take this. Big Show’s music hits and we have a 3rd boring terrible member of Team Cena. Big Show and Henry have a bad pushing match with the stairs and I’m wondering if the WWE knows they could have edited all this.

New day promo with Kofi. This is coming along nicely.

Big Show officially joins Team Cena backstage and Cena is excited like he hasn’t personally seen Show flip heel 25 times himself.

AJ vs Brie w/Nikki

Nikki has a tiny varsity jacket and looks like an asshole in it. Like a tiny Kevin Sullivan. Running Knee by Brie misses by about 4 feet and I’m fast forwarding through this misery.

Clips of a soldier taking his first steps since being paralyzed and I am officially bawling my eyes out.

Adam Rose vs Tyson Kidd

Did I mention Raw was 3 hours now?

Adam Rose I guess is turning heel on the bunny. Smackdown hasn’t been very good lately. Eric Rowand shows up during the match and thus begins his slow anchor like descent back to obscurity and that’s him now. The bunny distracts Rose and Kidd gets a Sharpshooter on Rose. Did you know that was Kidd’s finisher? After the match the bunny tries to console Rose and he continues to be boring and who cares?

John Cena vs Ryback

Questions of loom throughout the night about Ryback’s ability to be a teammate and Team Authority’s other members of all voiced their concerns. This screams of a face turn again as the WWE seems to be leading towards having yet another tweener.

Ryback has been back for 2 weeks and he’s already back in the main event. Somewhere Cesaro is wondering what the shit happened to ‘slow burns’. Ryback knocked down into Kane, see what’s happening here guys? Ryback continually fails to get booed by the Liverpool crowd. Maybe he has to give a late goal up against Chelsea for him to be properly booed in Liverpool. Get
It guys? Your football club sucks. Ryback debuts about 4 or 5 different new moves I never saw him even attempt previously. None of them are very good however.

It’s a decent main event so keeping with the theme over the past two plus months Kane eventually ruins it by interjecting himself. I’m not mad with you Kane, I’m just disappointed. Ryback eventually turns on The Authority and here we are. Feudin’. 4 on Cena beat down.

Sheamus hits the ring. Taken out. Big
Show hits the ring. Taken out. Ryback looks to have joined Team Cena.
Ziggler hits the ring.

Raw ends with Ziggler being thrown at Trips and Steph’s feet. Luke Harper standing over him. Well. That’s interesting.

This week’s haiku
Too many cooks, fuck
Everyone is a tweener
Too Many Cooks, fuuuuuck

Spot of the Week

The Good and the Bad
Good
1
Ryback’s big night
2 Ryback!!
3 Ambrose vs Wyatt promo

Bad
1
Henry vs Ziggler
2 Swagger dismantling
3 AJ vs Brie

Survivor Series Card

Team Cena (Cena, Show, Ryback Sheamus, Ziggler) vs Team Authority (Kane, Rollins, Rusev, Harper, and Henry)

Dean Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt

Divas Title Match
Nikki Bella vs AJ (c)

United States Title Match
Sheamus vs Rusev (c)

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AlternaPodcast: Empire of the Wolf

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One of, if not THE, most intelligent conversations I have had with a creator. Michael Kogge has crafted a story with more layers than I could ever be successful in explaining. A high concept that works and should be acknowledged. This is why the medium was created!

Follow Michael on Twitter @michaelkogge.
Follow Tim on Twitter @thinblueghost.
Follow AlternaPodcast on Twitter @alternapodcast.
Like Empire of the Wolf on Facebook.
Download Empire of the Wolf at Comixology.

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AlternaPodcast: The Dolridge Sacrament

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Kubricky? Perhaps Lynchian? Big names that are associated with an unsettling quality?

The Dolridge Sacrament, from Wilson Taylor and Maia Gross, successfully provokes the type of atmosphere that draws you in only to make you want to escape. Listen as they share their insights into The Dolridge House!

Follow Wilson on Twitter @mrfistsalad.
Follow Tim on Twitter @thinblueghost.
Follow AlternaPodcast on Twitter @alternapodcast.
Like The Dolridge Sacrament on Facebook.
Download The Dolridge Sacrament at Comixology.

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AlternaPodcast: The Chair Gets ROWDY

In keeping with my determination to bring you as close to all things Alterna as possible I chatted with Peter Simeti about how things are progressing on The Chair. Due to some conflicts in scheduling Eric Roberts had to bow out but none other than Roddy Piper stepped in. Roddy’s involvement has been finalized along with a slew of other folks that should ring a bell. Also in talks and awaiting confirmation are The Walking Dead’s Lew Temple, and American Horror Story’s Naomi Grossman. I will be catching up with as many of the cast members possible in the following months as they prepare for the film to start shooting in February. Listen to the always enthusiastic Peter Simeti update us on his journey!

Follow Peter on Twitter @petersimeti.
Follow The Chair on Twitter @thechairhorror
Follow Tim on Twitter @thinblueghost.
Follow AlternaPodcast on Twitter @alternapodcast.
Like The Chair on Facebook.
Download The Chair at Comixology.

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