Guess whose back?!?!!? Yes it is I everyone favorite evil ginger back at you with a healthy dose of NFL SOUP. Since my last serving i have been rather busy venturing out and starting my own podcast  on the Radulich In Broadcasting Network, entitled From the Cheap Seats and also found a lot of happiness in life. But that is enough about me and I am sure you guys are hungry so let’s start serving it up…..



So waking up Last Thursday morning and realizing it was OFFICIALLY football season i could barely contain myself

I mean is there anything more exciting that the kickoff of the NFL season? I was happier than a dog with 2 dicks I tell ya lol


So did anyone else think  that Derek Anderson was doing his best “Nate” impression from the NFL Play commercial???



Speaking of future QB’s warming up it looks as if Dallas has finally made an attempt to fix the issues Tony Romo is having with their latest signing after Kyle Orton left the organization….
Or maybe that is Kyle Orton who knows…..




Speaking of Uncle Rico, this Twitter account caught a rare glimpse of Mark Sanchez and Nick Foles arriving at the stadium on Sunday



I dunno what Flacco uses as a cup but judging by this hit and the consequences afterwards i say it should be banned since Vontaze Bufict suffered a concussion on the play lol



Wes Welker suspension got lifted on Friday which is good news for Bronco fans.  But sadly  this is the new helmet he will be wearing the rest of the season to help prevent concussions




During the Cleveland / Pittsburg game Antonio Brow returned a punt only t ochannel his inner Street Fighter and give a well place Crane Kick to the face of Browns punter Spencer Lanning

when asked about it Brown said he wanted to make his sensi Mr. Miyagi proud, when asked about the inncident Miyagi had nothing to say

he looks please doesn’t he?!?!!?



Well in closing i would like to say it is great to be back writing for quite possibly the fastest rising website on the internet and want to say a huge THANK YOU to Gavin, Chris and White Dwain for having me back for the 2014 season. So in closing i urge everyone to tune in every Wednesday night at 10pm EST on under the Radulich In Broadcasting banner and listen to my podcast From the Cheap Seats with my amazing co-host and friend Jesse Starcher. And with that ill close with this:


Sometimes you find hilarious things during some of the most obscure situations… this is one of those times

… have a good week and enjoy Week 2 of the NFL season and see you next time ….




The Morning After Raw for September 8, 2014

Ok I’m back what did I miss? Worst Raw in years? A worse review? Sounds about right. When the best things from the last week in wrestling are a preview of an upcoming PWG DVD and a stop motion match featuring some brat’s action figures i would say we are in a slow period. But I appreciate the WWE when they are bad, it makes my job easier. Season debut of Raw? Is that a thing? Anyways who cares, Raw is live from BodyMore Murderland and my name is my name.

Rumors online that after Cena goes on the shelf to recover from injuries after Night of Champions the WWE is going to make it’s annual mistake of trying to convince us that we care about The Big Show putting him in the main event against Lesnar. So if you think I’m happy Raw sucks now wait until I’m screaming about it in a month or 3.

Chris Jericho vs Bray Wyatt

Oh wow, what a fantastic beginning. I guess the WWE has had enough with mediocrity and now we will have a great idea for a match in what has been a really underwhelming feud. With Jericho’s stupid band’s tour about to start it looks like this will be it for him until around the Royal Rumble. I love Chris, more than any of you, but this feud has not been very good. Especially considering the pieces involved. It should’ve been tremendous. It should in theory have carried the company through boring times as the interesting midcard feud that outshines the main event. Instead it just never got going and I’m only here for criticism, not an idea guy. Can’t tell you what the issue is but it’s definitely palatable. Maybe Wyatt starts tonight? Scary heel in a cage? Why not?

Right away I have a problem with this match. What does Wyatt escaping a cage do for a feud started by him being the aggressor for Jericho claiming he was a savior? “I don’t like you referring to yourself as a savior and I’m here to make sure you don’t ever do it again…by exiting through a side door while your momentarily incapacitated”.

As Jericho slowly makes his way to the the cage and Harper and Rowand get involved, I’m reminded of how toothless Wyatt was in the Cena feuHOLY SHIT JERICHO JUST DOVE OFF THE CAGE!!! I guess he doesn’t care if he limps around onstage for the first couple dates. Awesome. Jericho sells a knee injury and Wyatt takes advantage of it as Jericho tries to leave the cage eventually beating him out of it for the win. What a strong match.

As for my previous comments about how boring that makes the feud and compromises Wyatt’s motives he beats Jericho down after inside the cage as necessary. Just wish the ride here was better. Whatever. I already miss Jericho.

After the match Kane is backstage celebrating how good the previous match went mentioning how it’s still the season premier, ps this is the guy who supposedly murdered his mother with fire.

We come back from commercial and Dolph Ziggler is in the ring with a microphone and I am very much enjoying tonight. Ziggler, in place of having a promo or anything interesting to say, instead goes the John Cena rout of having a slide show of embarrassing Miz photos. Hilarious… Boo. Miz eventually makes his way down to show his displeasure in the ‘cloud hack’ segment. Which by the way is topical, right?

Sandow mimicking Miz’s motions as his stunt double bails this segment out. I love Dolph but this was poison to have sat through. Anyway Ziggler beats up Sandow and I love this feud.

Rosa Mendez and Natalya vs AJ and Paige

Oh Jesus Rosa Mendez on TV again? Bad camera work on AJ as they try and get reaction shots of her during Paige’s entrance. Picking an issue with the camera work during an entrance before a Rosa match might be a little ridiculous, but I’m already here. CM Punk chant for AJ. Enough guys, enough. Paige’s hair is really dry. What is that about? The crowd is completely silent by the way. AJ tags her self in and really slowly and carefully puts the Black Widow on Rosa so as to prevent a potential disaster. Paige needs to feud with a bottle of fucking conditioner.

Wait why is Nikki being inserted into this feud?

Backstage Orton beats up Jericho and says he’s sorry because ‘it’s the season premier’ ok they’re just fucking with me now.

Paul Heyman in the ring after we get back from commercial and thank god we have more talking and less wrestling. Raw can’t be a wrestling show so just be a sports entertainment program and do what you guys do best. Not wrestle.

Paul Heyman and John Cena are the company’s two best speakers and it’s kind of a shame this is the first time they’ve been in a ring together for this feud for an extended time. I guess the feud hasn’t needed it. Heyman does the job Wyatt and Kane and so many others couldn’t do since Edge left and really set the table for Cena to become morally bankrupt and turn his back on the fans in order to be the ruthless heel he needs to win or in this case to beat/not be murdered by Lesnar. Cena does what he couldn’t do in those feuds and come off as righteous and incorruptible without it coming off as sanitized boorish pandering. Cena talks about the sense of pride he gets when he meets disabled veterans or hears that a dying kid’s wish is to spend a day with him. This is some of Cena’s best, most impassioned work, because it’s real. Fantastic segment.

Seth Rollins vs Sheamus

Sheamus is great in slug fests but tends to be kind of brutal when it comes to actual wrestling matches with actual wrestlers and this is no exception. Stop beating Rollins chest in and try a headlock you fucking animal! Cesaro comes out in a nice very European suit to antagonize Sheamus and look menacing. Continued mentions of the Jerry Springer/Bella segment later is making me uncomfortable. Cesaro eventually runs distraction so Rollins can get the advantage before eventually having Sheamus botch the front bump on his finisher. 123. Sigh.

So to continue to build heat, Lana comes out to do a song parody of the National Anthem and stand with Rusev while he waves the flag during the Russian national anthem. Ok. What was that?

Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville Vs Tyler Breeze and Tyson Kidd

WOW! I never thought I’d see the day but he’s finally on Raw, good for Tyson Kidd. Ok seriously. This is amazing. Olé chants instantly for Zayn an I can’t tell you how happy this makes me to see him on the flagship show. Especially considering how horrendous his ring outfit is. He has a bunch of world flags on his rights like he’s the United Nations building of pants or something. I like Neville, but other than be entertaining and flashy in the ring he really is kind of limited. Also great to see Tyler Breeze just lay on the ropes and just be handsome. Red Arrow (best aerial move in years) on Breeze 123. Awesome.

Jerry Springer/Bella Segment. Ok so this happened. Bella’s apparently have a brother. Who I wish I went to high school with just so I could ask him everyday if he ever saw them make out. Everyday. This sucks. Fake fight. If anything it marginalizes the actual tension that could be in this feud it’s a bad Springer fight parody and we now have this. Nikki walks back up the aisle in a ugly red dress with her shoes off like the shitfaced girl after the bar closes. Also the Bella’s brother’s suit looks like it was made for a god damn toddler. Springer stretchered off. Oh go fuck yourself.

Goldust and Stardust vs Los Matadores

So apparently a month ago Stardust shelfed El Torito. How is he supposed to be a heel? Crowd loves him. Anyways in order to get revenge Los Matadores get squashed 123. Ok, that’s enough of Los Matadores Go to NXT and have good matches with guys on their way up like Tyson Kidd.

Adam Rose vs Titus O’Neal w/Heath Slater

So this match happened last week and it was so good Rey brought it back. Adam Rose could go on a Goldberg streak and no one will ever care or notice. Great song though. Superkick by the Bunny onto Heath Slater which serves as a distraction for Titus to eat a PartyFoul for the 123. What is going on here? Big Splash after the match onto Titus by the fucking bunny. Ok, we’ve lost control. Raw started really well though. I think the 10 o’clock hour is always going to just be a disaster no matter who is booking it.

Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns

25+ minutes left in Raw and I wouldn’t mind it if we finished with this match. I’ve really liked the work between these two have done, even if one is sort of limited and the other is Roman Reigns. Orton getting good matches out of Reigns on regularly only really cements his prowess to me as the super skilled heel worker who shines up the face and eventually puts him over into the next level. I know I say that a lot but you guys have to start believing it.

Reigns is more than fine in his role now. 2 years into wrestling he’s actually pretty good considering what the first two years of guys like Sid and Kane was like. The match falls apart as Orton signals that it’s time for Kane to make his weekly appearance in the main event as ‘boring antagonist no one considers to be a threat despite constant attempts to make him one’. Kane is followed by Rollins and what appears to be 15 stage hands who look ridiculous as they run out. The miscellaneous faceless workers get to the ring and they start to busy themselves under the ring, I assume looking for where the last hour went. Oh they’re setting up the cage. Setting a cage up on the fly huh? It’s like the WWE wants a malpractice suit.

The cage lowers and we have Reigns and Orton inside after Reigns fought off Kane and Rollins. Eventually after a couple tosses of the Viper off the cage Rollins gets bored and climbs before he gets in the ringHOLY SHIT HE DOVE OFF THE CAGE TOO! Wow. Two cage dives. Reigns did a great job catching him.

After the awesome dive Kane, Orton and Rollins beat Reigns down hitting the Curb Stomp on a chair. Which is nice to see Rollins work his way up from attempted murder to all out vicious assault.

I don’t understand how would Triple H be happy with the roster being widely depleted? Why would a corporation be happy if you smashed its product on a chair? Would the CEO of Pepsi, even if they’re evil(they are) be happy if someone took Mountain Dew and destroyed it? Aren’t destructive vindictive injury causing heels supposed to be reckless and acting independent and selfishly? Whatever. Orton is great.

Spot of the Night
Jericho dive off the cage.
Rollins dive off the cage.

The Good and The Bad.
Sami Zayn on Raw
2 Cena and Heyman promos
3 cage match

2 Adam Rose
3 Rosa

Night of Champions Card

WWE Heavyweight Championship Match
John Cena vs Brock Lesnar (c)

Intercontinental Championship Match
The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler (c)

Tag Team Championship Match
Goldust and Stardust vs The Usos (c)

Divas Championship Match
AJ vs Nikki Bella vs Paige (c)


The Morning After Raw for September 1, 2014

I missed the first segment because I was at Wendy’s. You want dedication? That’s Jed. I’m just the guy filling in while he takes a well deserved break. Sorry about that.

Looks like I missed most of a megapromo setting up a six man tag. Holla at HHH, playa!

Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler vs Cesaro and The Miz w/ Stunt Double Damien Mizdow

The first of at least 3 tag matches is up first. IC and US champs vs their respective contenders. Cesaro steals a move from Dolph while Miz wears sunglasses. Sandow as Miz’s lackey is somehow a step up. Lukewarm tag to Sheamus leads to comedy spots with Miz not getting hit in the face. Crowd pops for the stupid chest forearms then promptly wants Ziggler again. So do I. Cesaro tags in as we go to commercial. Again. Ziggler gets a proper hot tag. The crowd rejoices as he hits the ring like a squirrel on crack. Miz steals a win and continues progressing towards being the best character on the roster.

A flashback to the worst segment in ages. Great. I’d rather have a toothache. I guess Brie stole Nikki’s prom date once. But Nikki has tits now. Win some, lose some.

Total Divas six person tag match.

The second of at least four tag matches. And I don’t care enough about this to even know who’s in it. At least it was over in 30 seconds.

Here’s a replay of Dean Ambrose dying on camera. You’d think law enforcement would be involved by now. Suppose they’re distracted by who shared Jennifer Lawrence’s pictures with the Internet.

Big Chocolate Sex Show vs Harper and Rowan

WWE keeps running this match and I’m not sure why. Rowan will slam somebody, Harper will boot somebody, Show and Henry will win a match that isn’t particularly good. I guess it’s something for them to do which beats the alternative. JBL compares Harper and Rowan to Brody and Hansen. Sure, only infinitely less important.

Rusev arrives to follow up on Mark Henry’s beatdown of him, officially (and mercifully) ending the feud with Swagger. Big Show lumbers into the guardrail and we tease a count out. As big and strong as Harper and Rowan are, their offense is reduced to stomps against Show. Thrilling. Crowd alternates between USA chants and complete silence. There’s the third bodyslam of Big Show by Rowan and the announce team is more impressed than the first time it happened. Henry takes the tepid tag. Rusev kicks Henry and the next victim is lined up for Vince’s pet project. The two enormous 40 year olds are left standing tall over the young talent as Cole says “Rusev strikes” over and over. We get it, Vince.

MORE NIKKI BELLA YAY. This has been the longest 45 minutes of Raw ever. Brie wrecked a car but unfortunately both Bella twins survived and now we have these segments.

Michael Sam invited to Raw. What could go wrong in front of a Baltimore crowd?

We get a video package to hype Night of Champions in lieu of Brock being there. It’s followed by the magic of Paul Heyman on a microphone.

Jack Swagger vs Curtis Axel

A singles match! AND ZEB IS BACK! Does Curtis Axel serve a purpose without Ryback? Bo Dallas is watching on as plants are pulled out of the crowd as JBL encourages Michael Cole to commit suicide. Crowd still wants to love Swagger. Axel taps and Swagger gets a needed win but not the win he needs.

Richie the farmer has a gambling problem. Angelo is too emotionally invested in pro wrestling. Chubby Jennifer has some problem with her kid or something but I’m distracted by her shirt buttons clinging for dear life.

Bo’s voice is hideous and perfect. Segment could have been stronger and Raw is only half over.

Adam Rose vs Titus O Neil

Adam Rose looks like he hates life as he heads to the ring for this marquee matchup. Michael Cole points out that Titus is the Gator in Slater Gator. Given that the other guy’s name is Heath Slater, I think we figured that out. Camera focuses on the bunny and we’re due to see him beat up Slater. It happens right on cue and Adam Rose picks up another win while doing absolutely nothing in the ring. After the match, Rose and the bunny sling Slater into the steps. Very babyface-ish. Remember when Slater pinned Rollins?

More Nikki Bella. I can’t listen. I’ll just assume Brie gave their dad AIDS.

Rusev vs Zack Ryder

What a brutal second hour. Former US Champion Zack Ryder. 90 second squash. Not a strong follow up to last week’s awful Raw. Here comes Mark Henry and we see a sign of weakness as Rusev retreats. Henry’s natural badassery is stealing Swagger’s face heat. I understand moving Rusev forward but the absolute burial of Swagger seems unnecessary. Hall of Pain reference and I guess we have two feuds at once for Mizark.

Stephanie McMahon is here and I’d be more excited if this wasn’t going to lead to more Bella tripe. Axel Braun hires better actresses than Nikki Bella. They’ve successfully made me hate both Bellas. Just when things couldn’t get more grating, AJ skips to the ring and gets CM Punk chants. Paige is shoehorned into the segment and I can’t help but feel a ridiculous 4 way match coming. Missy Hyatt was a raging whore but she was right about women’s wrestling.

On the replay, Paige makes a nice save of the title belt. There’s that, I guess.

Goldust vs one of the Usos.

I’m sure he has a name but I don’t care. The Usos are jerks who don’t accept apologies. Cody has been around for 7 years now. SEVEN. He’s been an Orton lackey, Dashing, mustache’d, a white bread babyface, and a genuine weirdo. Another 40 something beats another young talent and the crowd doesn’t know how to react here. Dusty’s boys beat up the other Uso again and the crowd still isn’t sure what’s happening. Maybe the Usos will accept the next apology.

RG3 looks like Andre Benjamin playing a football player. Mark Henry and Big Show may have just broken up on good terms.

Here comes HHH for the 6 man tag. Surely this isn’t going to be a 40 minute segment? Right?

John Cena, Roman Reigns, Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton, Seth Rollins, Kane

The crowd wants Rollins. Vince wants Reigns. Reigns looks like the star early on, holding a place for Jericho to sell and Cena to erupt. Orton is still WWE’s tofu – he can blend in anywhere but needs the right partner to really be enjoyable.

16 minutes into the match (with entrances) and we’re firmly in a holding pattern. Shield vs Wyatts this ain’t. Randy Orton has been around since 2002 and is only 34. He also feuded with Cena in OVW. It’ll never end – they’re Flair-Sting for the 21st century.

Cena struggles to hit an AA on Kane and is nowhere near 100%. Admirable but also makes you realize his time is relatively limited. There needs to be an urgency on turning Reigns, Cody, Cesaro, and others into legitimate main event players.

We hit the part of the match where Jericho plays the face in peril aka Ricky Morton and all that’s left is Cena’s big entrance. Enjoy Y2J while you can, there’s about 3 weeks left before he’s gone again. He takes my heart with him every time he leaves. 30 minutes in and still no Cena hot tag. Impressive to devote this much time to the main event, but what else were they going to do?

A 3 second interaction between Kane, Jericho, and Cena is the model of professionalism. Jericho makes the hot tag and immediately bails. Kane takes his licks as Cena ignites the crowd. They continue establishing Reigns’ place by letting Cena hand off to him for the win.

Next week’s Raw looks strong, as Jericho and Wyatt face off in a cage and Orton and Reigns square off again.

Oh, and Michael Sam has been invited to Raw. Welcome back, Jed.

Spot of the Night
Ziggler’s House of Fire

The Good and the Bad

The Good
1. The Miz’s character development
2. Paige’s reflexes
3. Zeb Colter returns

The Bad
1. Bella segments
2. Tag team matches or squash matches, take your pick
3. A new Total Divas hype cycle has begun


The Morning After Raw for August 25, 2014

‘Blood and guts’pv:

What with the MURDER live on tv last week the WWE had a silly ending to write off one of its better characters in a ridiculous fashion. We move forward with Night of Champions 4 weeks away and with rumors of Reigns vs Lesnar at Wrestlemania 31, we have a lot of time to kill before a major pay off. With the looming Brie vs Nikki saga over our heads there’s at least 10 minutes a night right now that are really hard to get through. Add that to the no other feuds that get tv time or involve part timers in Jericho or Lesnar and…things kind of suck. Raw is live from Anaheim and I’ll forever love you Teemu Selänne.

Raw starts off with Hulk HogFUCK! Oh for god sake. Every week now with him pushing the stupid network? Oh. Here comes Ric Flair. Oh here comes HBK. Ok maybe this will be awesome. What’s a Hall of Fame Forum? Why are we having one? Brock vs Cena had a four week build now it deserves a 3 week reflection involving 3 guys who couldn’t seem more disinterested? HBK says maybe Cena is at a crossroads in his career where ‘we’ve all been’ and we’ve decided maybe it was time to hang it up. Yes Shawn, because if anyone knows when they’ve hit the point in their career when they’re not the man anymore it’s Flair and Hogan.

‘This isn’t a personality contest’ oh… A personality contest. Those are things I guess now. Thanks Shawn. Flair Hogan and HBK yell over each other for 5 AGONIZING minutes before Cena’s music hits and Hogan throws his mic angry that he got cut off. Who’s idea was it to do this? Let’s just get 3 guys who never let anyone else get a second of the spotlight in their career try and have a segment to make Cena look good?

Cena cuts a ‘I’m not giving up’ promo that was a needed legitimizing his match against Lesnar and again….why are Flair, Hogan and Michaels in the ring? Cena drops the mic and that’s all we get. What a terrible segment. You drag the 3 biggest ‘me’ guys out and expect Cena to look good? Holy shit.

Jack Swagger vs Rusev w/Lana

Oh come on Jack. USA! chants early and we are off to a strong beginning locking in his 73rd unsuccessful Patriot Lock of the feud. JBL commentary is just over the top for the second straight week. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t out of place that he doesn’t attack other faces. Cena, Jericho etc. JBL is so inconsistent it’s bothersome. Daniel Bryan could be mocked for going against what The Authority wants but not Cena? Why would anyone want a tweener announcer? Spinning Heel Kick by Rusev? Wow. That was athletic. Swagger gets a strong reaction by the crowd before locking in yet another failed Patriot Lock, which is exciting because it gives Rusev a chance to be the last guy in the company to actually sell. Patriot Lock, failure, maybe try something else Jack? Eventually the official stops the match after 4 minute Russian beating. Sure. I don’t know what that means.

Bo Dallas meets Swagger in the training room after the match to rub in that he’s a loser.

United States Championship Number One Contenders Match
Cesaro vs Rob Van Dam

Sheamus doing commentary, apparently had never sat in a chair before. He’s rolling all over the place, even bumping into JBL, control yourself. Also Sheamus dresses like a shithead. Anyways the Swiss Holding Pattern Cesaro and disinterested RVD have had a mini feud lately…or at least a series of meaningless matches. Sheamus addresses Cesaro through out the match and talks about having a match with him and what their relationship is like. Foreshadowing is at an all time low in subtlety tonight.

‘Sheamus, you actually won the United States Championship in a Battle Royal’

‘That’s true I did’


Neutralizer 123. Not a thrilling match. Cesaro in the US Title picture isn’t that interesting to be honest, the secondary belts seem to be a dead zone.

Paige vs Natalya

A REMATCH! Paige locks Natalya in an Abdominal Stretch that looks ridiculous considering the size difference. SharpShooter. Reversed. Do submission holds matter anymore? Can anyone lock them in and have it matter? Paige Turner 123 bad match.

After the match AJ distracts Paige while Paige eats a Discus Clothesline by Natalya…who apparently is mad that she lost….
AJ gets the mic to stupid CM Punk chants, just die already, and kisses Paige’s hand. Mind games continuing! This is a bad review of a segment but honestly that’s all that happened. There’s nothing to really comment on. The crowd cheers for AJ and Paige like they’re gonna make out and let the audience finally feel what a tit feels like.

I thought these last few segments were bad, then this happened.

So Kane(who I now am so bored with I’m not even sure as to why I ever found him interesting) comes out to have a eulogy(fuck off) for Dean Ambrose(no). Rollins comes out to cut a ‘boo hate me’ promo. It’s not a bad promo it’s just taking place in a stupid format and Kane’s presence is overtly obnoxious. Reigns music hits and we have a new Rollins vs former Shield-mate feud. Brawl be all brawling and stuff until Kane breaks it up and Rollins escapes. Hey look! This! Things!

Tag Team Championship Match
The Usos vs Gold and Stardust

If the WWE loved me and these guys they’d make this the main event. Plancha by Jey Uso onto Stardust. Jey doesn’t make it back to the ring in time having partially sold a knee injury after taking a couple steps on it. Stardust takes exception and we have a heel turn! I guess we’ll see this end at Night of Champions. Or continue. Or not.

Lesnar video package. This is what we have now in place of a champion… Lesnar says he’s going to murder Cena. Normally I would mock this, but he honestly might murder him, so now I’m scared. No Heyman tonight. No Lesnar. No Trips. No Steph. Punk still gone. Bryan still hurt. Kurt Angle can not sign fast enough.

Dolph Ziggler vs Miz

Non-title singles match huh? Miz comes out to announce that in fact he will not be wrestling Ziggler and in fact in his place …

Damien Miz-dow vs Dolph Ziggler

Referring to Sandow as a ‘stunt double’ is kind of upsetting but this works. Really bad Figure Four by Miz-dow, I guess that’s how this is supposed to be. Still though Flair is here tonight. Someone try. Zig Zag 123.

Jeff Hardy special on the network this week. I’m sure Dixie is thrilled and not paranoid what so ever.

Back from commercial and King is in the ring dressed like a complete jerk off and regretfully it’s time for the Brie vs Nikki segment on tonight’s already bad show. Brie and Nikki are here to act apparently. This sucks. ‘You were holding me back in the ultrasound’. Guys. Help. ‘I wish you died in the womb!’ Oh for piss sake. Haha. Camera man missed the slap to Lawler. What a great ending to a horrendous segment. Raw is torture tonight.

Handicapped Match
Roman Reigns vs Kane and Seth Rollins

It’s 10 o’clock and we’re already getting this huh? So Kane is being called ‘Corporate Kane’ now. Kane and Rollinsnare a good tag team but the thought of Kane being betrayed/betraying another tag team partner and starting another feud with one gives me a total headache.

Kane reveals the concrete blocks, again, and the crowd groans expectedly. Reigns gets out of the Curb Stomp murder and after throwing Kane’s head off the ring post(2 feet away from actually making contract), Reigns tries to bash Rollins face in with a cement block. Guys… slowdown with the aggravated assaults already. It’s like an Abyss feud, except people are seeing it.

Slater Gator vs El Matadores w/ El Torito

My favorite tag team makes its Raw debut. Finally a comedy heel team now that we are supposed to take RybAxel seriously now. Slater ends up taking the pin because the WWE sucks tonight and nothing will ever make me happy again. Slater doing the fraternity bark that O’Neal does is the most entertaining thing tonight. Not a good night for tv.

Network to start showing first couple months of Nitro, wish I could watch it now.

Kofi Kingston vs Bo Dallas

Oh good another filler match. At least I get Bo. Remember when Kofi was going to be in that new faction and have something to do along with E and Washington? Well apparently fuck that. I never noticed how bad Kofi is at punches, or he just isn’t trying. I don’t blame him if he isn’t. Bo-Dog(botched) 123. But who cares about the match? I’m here for the promo.

Bo says Swagger, unlike Kofi, let down the whole country and not just himself. Swagger hits the ring and beats down Bo to a chorus of deserved boos. No ‘We the People’? Why pop the crowd before the main event right? Imagine Bo keeps doing work shoots in the Bo-lieve character? ‘Shawn I know you lost your smile but all you have to do is Bo-lieve!!!!

John Cena vs Bray Wyatt

Very little chance this match ends with a child singing in a devil voice, but there’s still a chance. Bray’s music barely plays and he’s already in the ring. I guess they didn’t wanna have the audience get in the mood to cheer him. Annnnd we have a beat down by Cena on Wyatt… This match is really weird.

Wait, what is this? German Suplex on Wyatt? Dropping knees and elbows on his head? Eventually after the beatdown goes on a little too long Harper and Rowand get involved and out comes The World’s Biggest Tallest Athlete Man Strong Show to even the odds.

Mark Henry, Big Show and John Cena vs The Wyatt Family

So tonight sucks and it ends in another forgettable 6 man tag. I love Show and Henry together but they have to be heels ASAP. And as Big Show goes on his 3rd minute of looking to escape the ground and pound by 3 much smaller guys and get a hot tag it becomes apparent that this part makes no sense. Choke Slam out of nowhere, dramatically undersold by Cole and especially the crowd. Hot tag to Cena for the finish as Harper taps to the STF.

Now that Cena does German Suplexes and is back to Super Cena I think I like him now more than ever. His AA’s are at an all time low in torque and height but his STF is looking a whole lot better.

Spot of the night
Me making it through Nikki and Brie

The Good and The Bad
2 n/a

Bella v Bella
2 Dean Ambrose eulogy
3 hall of fame forum


The Morning After Raw for August 18, 2014

‘Mommy, tell me what happened to Jack Swagger’

So good news guys, apparently last night the WWE changed for good and that evil guy who refused to lay down clean on a big stage (like he did exactly one year ago) was finally beaten by a part timer (like he was by The Rock). Moving on, Summer Slam was all in all good. Lots of odd endings to matches and feuds that will continue past what should’ve been a blow off pay per view, last night was more like a Battleground than a Summer Slam. But i can’t imagine caring about something like that. If you do, smother yourself in lava you forever dork. Raw is live from Las Vegas and I bet you’re a dick.

Steph comes out first to Daniel Bryan’s music and mocks the crowd to some good old fashioned heat churning, torturing the crowd always makes me happy. Especially considering how much I love her. Steph casually drops that there will be a new WWE Heavyweight Championship Belt, oh cool. Right? Guys? A new belt! We only get these once a year now.

Steph celebrates her victory and unfortunately for me she brings out Nikki Bella. As an audience we are subjected to more Total Divas level of acting and what I guess I’m supposed to believe is a storyline here. Nikki forgets her lines a couple times and I guess this is seriously our opening.

Brie comes out in a dress that says ‘Brie Mode’ which I guess is still a thing and I refuse to look into it in any way. Nikki unloads with a pretty wild slap on Brie and the audience reacts because they’re probably supposed to. Up until that slap this segment was complete poison. Holy piss what a terrible segment. This was the opener? Really? Was Lesnar not in the building yet?

Harper and Rowan vs Big Show and Mark Henry

Oh boy. This is a lot of dude in one match. World Strongest Show? Good for Big Show and Henry for tag teaming. They should instantly have the belts and turn heel and hopefully not be in a rush to break up. I say be heels because the hot tag best down parts make no sense. Why is Big Show down being worn out by Rowan? Body Slam by Rowand on Big Show? Wow. This seems like it should be a bigger deal than they’re making it. WMD into World’s Strongest Slam 123.

Backstage moment with Flair and Ziggler and I don’t know what happened after because I fainted after being overwhelmed with emotion.

Backstage Ambrose beats up Rollins, just what this feud needed!!! Triple H decides to have an ap vote for the match between Ambrose and Rollins for later tonight. They cut to the crowd perfectly to catch a guy dicking around on his phone. Great job everyone!!

Natalya in the ring after the segment and I am wondering when the show starts.

Natalya vs Paige

Paige still skipping around the ring, I guess none of these feuds really ended last night. Paige crawls on top of Natalya like Aksana used to do back when she was a character and the crowd cheers. She then airmailed what I assume should be headbutts but look more like her rocking out to some band that doesn’t play outdoors. AJ distraction, roll up by Natalya 123. Oh who cares.

Triple H and Stephanie come down to the ring to unveil the new WWE Heavyweight Championship Belt which I assume will have the Jimmy John’s logo on it. So the new title looks a lot like the old WWE belt, which is not that old really. But ok.

As Lesnar stomps his way to the ring I wonder why this couldn’t have started Raw? Too good of a start? Too many people would retain interest? After 2 minutes of posing Heyman gets the mic and an hour into the show Raw has started.

Heyman gets the mic and thoroughly gloats about being right about the whole Cena almost dying in front of a million people thing. Terrifying. Lesnar is sitting down relaxed and I’m afraid he will jump through the television and beat me to death with my own legs. Heyman goes on to praise Cena before ultimately saying everyone who goes in front of Lesnar will eventually die. Heyman is just terrific. He’s the perfect mouth piece for the perfect wrestler. Eat. Sleep. Suplex. Repeat. Suplex. Suplex. Repeat. Suplex. Repeat. (Continue 16 more times) this is a great promo. Heyman and Lesnar are at the zenith of this industry and they’re great to see, and as they walk out I wonder if we will see them again before Survivor Series.

Intercontinental Title Match
The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler (c)

The rematch. Ziggler with a jobber entrance and Miz comes out still dressed like Rayden. When does Dolph get new merch? Doesn’t really matter, if you look at WWE’s new line of t-shirts they’re all pretty atrocious. Ziggler hurts his knee early in the match and we have ourselves a in match story! Figure Four. Oh boy. A one day title run? Remember when Miz and Barrett did this last year? Anyways that isn’t going to happen. Ziggler gets counted out and Miz beats Ziggler down after the match. We have ourselves a good midcard feud. Remember these?

Backstage interview with Swagger and he cuts…wait is this a good promo? Where is Zeb? Why is this good? ZEB?!?

Jack Swagger vs Cesaro

Seeing Cesaro is just uncomfortable now. I love the direction if the current company and storylines but one of my favorite characters is just washed over with indifference. Abdominal Stretch! Whenever Cesaro brings back one of my old school moves I can’t help but smile. JBL in some vintage ‘I hate Swagger for losing’ heel color commentary match. If he picked his spots and didn’t yell over everything this would be actually refreshing. Neutralizer 123. Swagger shouldn’t have lost this. That’s too bad. No it isn’t. BO DALLAS!!!!!

Bo rubs in the losses pretty brutally. But good news, so what if you lost your biggest match and the WWE didn’t get behind the patriotic gimmick long term and now Zeb could conceivably be gone, you just have to Bo-lieve. Ouch. Someone lie to me and tell me it gets better.

Jericho backstage promo. Hey! More backstage promos this is great! Of course this was probably recorded last night, but whatever.

Randy Orton and RybAxel vs Roman Reigns, Sheamus and Rob Van Dam

The past present and future of boring second tier faces. Wow. RVD and Ryback in the same ring. Is this allowed? Ryback Rules and Feed Me More chants from the audience. The hometown big guy working as a face tonight. Hey remember when he was more over than Sheamus ever was? Oh well. RVD hits the 5 Star Frog Splash on Axel or as you know him ‘the guy who absolutely was taking the pin in this match’.

Wyatt promo in the dark studio backstage. Everyone is talking tonight. This show is great. I mean the stories are kind of boring and this show had no direction long term for the main event, BUT WRESTLERS ARE ACTUALLY TALKING AND SHOWING PERSONALITY.

The Usos vs Goldust and Stardust

Hey look, tag teams doing things. The match starts with Goldust being hit with multiple arm drags and I’m wondering if maybe there should be an alternate plan of action for wrestling a 47 year old man. JBL and King team up to marginalized the Polynesian culture and proud history, not bad guys! What war did they ever fight?!? Certainly none against the white Euro-ancestors that pretty much manifest destined their kingdom into a natural resource feed for the whites. Anyways the audience doesn’t care about this Main Event level match and I don’t have an argument as to why they should. Good wrestling isn’t enough, I guess. Stardust eventually wins with a Sunset Flip. 123. Come on guys. Care.

Lana makes her way to the ring with Rusev to reflect on her win at Summer Slam, or Rusev’s. I think he’s the one who wrestled. Mark Henry, who hasn’t been used in the last 2 months apparently is here because he hates Russia. I wasn’t as serious about Swagger losing earlier until this segment right now. Wow. Swagger really is cast off as a loser after the last feud. Is this his punishment for the DUI from 2012? Sucks. World’s Strongest Slam. So, what about the tag team? Big Show? Now Henry has to come in this feud and lose at the next PPV?

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins

I wonder what is going to close tonight? This couldn’t be the fade to black match, could it? The ap vote decided this match would be Falls Count Anywhere over No DQ and No Holds Barred. Which is basically 3 different ways of saying Kane is going to interfere. Ambrose goes under the ring and I seriously wish death upon the guy who keeps putting the stupid kendo stick there. The match spills out into the crowd, instantly. It doesn’t so much spill out as it was destined to end up there so why not get it over with.

Suplex into the stage. Ouch. The match moves back into the ring and something I didn’t think was allowed anymore happens. So, Ambrose does a diving elbow with the chair…to Rollins face. Chair shot to head? Irish whip reversal and Ambrose eats a chair to the face in the corner. Hmmm. I thought… Whatever. After a proper caning Ambrose goes under the ring to get a conservative estimate of 73 chairs. Running Powerbomb onto the chairs by Rollins. WOW. 1 2 kick out

Are you kidding? That’s more devastating than any finisher in the last month. Kane makes his way to ringside as Rollins fetches a table. Superplex through the table. Why save this match for Raw? Suicide dive onto Kane. Nigel Lariat. Dirty Deeds. 1 2 Kane interferes. Kane now has surpassed Bischoff, Norton, Buff and Vincent for unnecessary run ins on Monday night Main events. This is bordering on ‘enough already’ and is very close to ‘what’s the point in watching’.

Wheres Reigns? Chokeslam onto table. Ouch. Curb stomp onto table. Now bear with me because things are about to get absurd.

Kane reveals a pile of cinder blocks and holds Ambrose head over it for Rollins to Curb Stomp/commit first degree murder on national tv. Fake EMTs close Raw.

No seriously cinder blocks smashed by a man’s skull.

Spot of the Night
Powerbomb onto chairs

The Good and The Bad
Rollins vs Ambrose
2 Heyman and Lesnar
3 Miz and Ziggler feud

Nikki Bella
2 kendo sticks
3 fake EMTs


The Morning After WWE’s Summerslam

Summer Slam

So a year ago today I actually rolled over on my couch in agony when Triple H Pedigreed Bryan and ‘The Authority’ angle was born. A year later after some missteps of Big Show and repeated jerk arounds with Daniel Bryan and Batista we find ourself back at the WWE’s second biggest night of the year. I guess. I’m more inclined to say its 4th. Wrestlemania, Royal Rumble, Raw After Wrestlemania and Summer Slam. But going on the premise that tonight could somehow matters more than all but one other night. It doesn’t.

Cesaro vs Rob Van Dam

Oh boy. Rob Van Dam returns to the Summer Slam opening prematch. Boy is the WWE not getting their money out of him. Cesaro still on the roster despite the WWE’s best efforts. Imagine a world where Ryback and Cesaro still mattered? As the match starts the streaming quality takes a dive and the previous Network cuts out. I this happened later tonight I would probably cry. WHY AM I ALWAYS SHOCKED WHEN THEY GO TO COMMERCIALS IN THE PREMATCH?!?

Cesaro does a Rolling Thunder into a Jumping Stomp and in one second has done more innovating and outshines anything RVD has done since ECW debuted on SciFi. Cesaro catches RVD with 3 attempts at the Frog Splash before eventually jumping into a European Uppercut and after a couple tired offensive moves by RVD he connects with a bad Five Star Frog Splash, shit, 123. Cesaro fucking loses. Wow I hope my network is still screwing up. What does that do for RVD? Oh good. A win over Cesaro, that will surely benefit him.

Corporate tongue washing and compromising the product in order to give screen time to a horrible person who won some contest who I sincerely hope doesn’t make it home safely from the arena. Why do I watch the preshow?

Hulk Hogan here to unapologetically hammer the Network pitch to us. Wow. This is bad. This is becoming too much for me now. This doesn’t even appear to have any irony to it. This is Oxy-Clean level of pandering. Gross.

Anyways the show is about to start. Man I hope Cena doesn’t die.

Intercontinental Title Match
Dolph Ziggler vs The Miz (c)

Oh cool. Wrestling and an actual feud. Miz comes out dressed as a reverse vampire and I’m already googling where I can get a white cloak suit thing. Miz is back to getting booed, it’s been a while but it’s actually fun to see him again. Miz reverses an Irish Whip to the corner and Ziggler hits the turnbuckle with the force to cave in the sun. Very good opening match taking place under the plague blanket of me knowing that Ziggler has to lose. Not that I want Miz to not win. I just wish they’d both come over my house and play GoldenEye64 with me. Fame-Asser reversed into Skull Crushing Finale 12-kick out? Oh wow, that was a nice twist. Wait it’s a big PPV, which is like a PPV with more false finishes, which is like Raw with false finishes.

ZigZag123. What? Miz’s character though… What? Why? I mean thanks, but why? Miz needs this win his character is trending upwards and Ziggler’s as much as it disgusts me isn’t. Why does the WWE consistently let the air out of its midcard pushes?

Divas Championship Match
Paige vs AJ Lee (c)

So Paige skips out to the ring because this is still mind games and we are mind gamin’. Paige offers a handshake. AJ bites her hand. MIND GAMES!!! Fake extension pulled out. We have ourselves a thing. Can this just be a good match? Another fake extension thing. Is this going to be a theme? I thought this match could stand on its own, we need this? Network quality dies again. Sigh. Diving Clothesline to the outside by AJ. This isn’t a great match, certainly not in the way the internet would have you believe, but at least it isn’t boring. Paige counters the Black Widow into her new finisher which is called RamPaige. Rampage/RamPaige Get it? AJ loses clean? Ps that wasn’t a good match.

It’s a play on rampage.

Flag Match
Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter vs Rusev w/Lana

FLAG MATCH WE HAVE A FLAG MATCH!!! Lana talks about Hollywood is the worst part of America and a lot of people watching at home loudly agree. Lana didn’t bring up the Ferguson shooting. Swagger out after with a color guard and I always love seeing this sort of thing. It’s weird to actually see legitimate pride and honor on TV. Especially with how shitty Shark Week has become. Rusev hits Swagger and the flag is dropped and it hits the ground and instantly I feel bad for the Army guys outside the ring. What the fuck is that about? The flag can’t hit the ground you assholes. So after a couple exchanged signature submission holds it’s Rusev’s ankle vs Swagger’s ribs. Patriotism? Selling? Psychology? In match story telling? Am I in the early 90s? Rusev actually sells the injured ankle on Irish Whips? I can’t even remember the last time I saw that. Bret Hart, Cena, Sheamus and Del Rio are watching this wondering what’s going on and if Rusev is actually hurt. Wow, the crowd is hot for this match. Rusev eventually gets Swagger in the Accolade and Swagger passes out for the win. Where was the whole flag thing? The crowd sounds like they had their guts ripped out from them and they pretty much have.

After the match Rusev kicks Zeb in the face and this feud apparently isn’t over. The Russian anthem plays, uninterrupted and I feel like the WWE forgets how this sort of thing is supposed to work.

Lumberjack Match
Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins

Here’s the match the internet considers to be the best feud on this card, sure. “Go to the dictionary and look up ‘unstable’ and you’ll find Dean Ambrose there”. Thanks King. HYPERBOLE!! Keeping with heel Lumberjack tradition, Rollins, of course is thrown outside and has to act completely exasperated by the presence of the lumberjacks. As if not being clued in on the stipulation. Befuddled as he may be, the match continues. I can’t even look at Cesaro now. What happened? I feel like we should all send him cards. HE TRUSTED US AND WE LET HIM DOWN. Why don’t the Usos have a match? No tag belt match? Nothing for Goldust and Stardust? Why have them debut then? Have them show up on Monday night so they stop feeling unimportant.

Oh yeah there’s a match going on. Suplex to the outside on top of the lumberjacks. That was cool. Never see that in lumberjack matches. Wait why not?

I wonder if Sin Cara decided to have a fall on the other side of the ring away from the action 4 seconds later. Different guy under the mask but remember, he sucks. Several more lumberjack spots and dives and I’m having a good time. The fight spills out into the crowd and Kane yells for the heel-jacks to go out after Ambrose. This match is wildly confusing and Rollins gets his case and walks off. He’s had enough guys!! Rollins carried back to the ring by the face-jacks, and keeping with the clusterfuck Ambrose dives on top of the pile and everyone hits the ground.

Hey this is fun. Kane interferes and we have a 24 person brawl in the ring. Yay! This is still fun! Rollins hits Ambrose with the case while the ref is distracted 123. Are any of the feuds done after tonight?

Bray Wyatt vs Chris Jericho

Wyatt comes out dressed like a complete asshole in a leather butcher’s apron and a fedora. If Bray couldn’t cut promos I would seriously hate him. This feud has one good installment in it and it happened at last Raw, I’m not sure that’s enough given what these two deserve but I’m excited for tonight. Hopefully this match goes well. After a couple minutes inside the match spills to the outside and Wyatt’s continued inability to make his offense and beatdowns look good shines yet again. His knees and punches look so bad. The only parts of Bray’s offense that looks good are the brutal stiff Clotheslines and Flying Crossbodys, he’s so inconsistent in the ring it makes me wonder if anyone else notices. Wyatt on top throwing elbows that connect with nothing. Sigh.

Codebreaker. Wyatt’s foot supposed to be on the ropes; ends up having to kick out. Too bad. Anyways match spills to the outside and after an outside/inside Sister Abigail, Wyatt wins clean. 123. The WWE is really pushing heel tonight. Good match.

Stephanie McMahon vs Brie Bella

Steph comes out dressed like Chyna and I start cracking up at how stupid wrestling can be. Steph walks up to Ronda Rousey and flashes the Horsemen 4 and I get a cold sweat that the MMA/4 Horsewomen stable rumored to be happening months ago on dirt sheets could happen as it sounded like the dumbest idea ever. Brie comes out and we have a match. Kind of. You forget that Brie has looked good recently as this match starts. I guess that was months ago and now with her wrestling someone who hadn’t wrestled in 11 years…maybe I would rather watch a different match. Rolling Reverse Neckbreaker by The Franchise Steph Douglas. The match basically consists of Steph dominating Brie and me scrolling through twitter reading about baseball.

I wonder who is worse at performing/selling the hair toss? Here comes Triple H and here comes Nikki. If there’s a turn here the WWE has gone full troll. Annnnd there it is. Forearm to Brie by Nikki. Steph Pedigrees Brie and we have a finish. If the WWE is going to have Cena lose and Ziggler win they’re certainly gonna rub their ass in everyone’s face in the meantime. Sure.

Horrible segment with a commercial tie in that was discussed earlier repeats and we’re back having this total lull in the programming again. I guess you can go online and see more from this segment, no one could possibly want to do that.

Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns

What a great year from Orton looking back on it. It’s tapered off into him being the main event heel worker but I’ve loved him these past 12 months and his in ring work has been unmatched. Yeah I just said all that. Roman Reigns makes his way in through the audience and I can’t help but notice some prick in the second row dressed up like Wolverine. My night is ruined. Roman Reigns still wears a flack jacket. ENOUGH.

Prettiest Superplex ever makes an appearance and given the size of Reigns it could be one of his best Orton has ever connected with. Reigns shows new offense with a bad Sleeper hold. You know a move is done bad when you think to yourself ‘Beefcake did it better’. Power Slam out of a Spear attempt by Orton. That was awesome. Former WCW champion ringside. David Arquette. Still a champion. Shut up. Samoan Drop off the second rope. Nice move, Cole says it was from the top rope though when it clearly wasn’t. Hmmm. RKO by Orton, kick out by Reigns and as we get to the end of this match I wish I just watched 2 hours of this match. Punt reversed into a Spear 123. Very good match. Best so far.

WWE Heavyweight Championship Match
Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs John Cena

Lesnar is terrifying. The match begins and…F5. Ok? Where do we go from here? 1 2 kick out. And all the dorks pirating this are upset that the WWE loves Cena too much and they wished it was a 4 second squash. ‘Lesnar is one of the best MMA fighters of all time’. Oh. Ok. 74 German Suplexes and stomps later Lesnar(who’s face is fire hydrant red and I think everyone is too scared to tell him) stands over Cena and I’m wondering what is going on here. Who is watching this and isn’t terrified? Even the anti-Cena dorks in their Ring of Honor fedoras can’t be enjoying this.

Suddenly a burst of offense and an AA and this match is just crazy. 1 2 kick out. Lesnar sits up and starts laughing at Cena and I’m scared even though I’m a thousand miles away. Lesnar proceeds to beat Cena for what feels like an eternity following it up with German Suplexes numbers 75-78. Is Cena’s neck ok to take this? JBL bleeped out for saying ‘Jesus Christ’. Oh so JBL can’t say that but it’s ok for me to watch John Cena be murdered on national TV.

Germans 79-81. I’ve never seen a WWE championship match like this. What is going on here? I wish I really counted how many Germans were going on so this didn’t seem like a joke. Is this really the best plan? Take a hot shit on the surgically repaired neck by Cena? This reminds me of playing people online in a video game and having no plan to beat them but spamming them with the same move/play over and over. This match looks like one of those infinitely repeating gifs.

‘Boring’ chant by some guy who people ignored in high school. STF!!! Wow. Cena’s offense is actually really surprising when it comes in bursts. Lesnar is pouring sweat to the point Patrick Ewing is embarrassed. Lesnar breaks out of the STF. Yikes. Hammer fists. Ouch. F5. Ow. 123. Oof. Lesnar destroys Cena. Wow. Did not see that coming. 5 minute beat down for the WWE title huh?

Spot of the Night
Cesaro’s Rolling Thunder

The Good and The Bad

Orton vs Reigns
2 Rollins vs Ambrose
3 Miz vs Ziggler/Miz’s cloak

Hogan selling a network that performs like shit
2 Steph vs Brie
3 16 German Suplexes on Cena’s neck

So wait is Summer Slam one word or two?


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